Vapor billows gently from the humidifier, placed strategically out of reach of the one year old terrorizing the living room, and the smell of Vicks wafts from my four year old's chest.  Ah...It is beginning to look and smell a lot like cold and flu season around our house.  There is no doubt that the blissful time of year where someone's nose is always needing wiped is upon me.  Both the boys are sick with coughs and noses that are somehow  stuffy and runny at the same time. 

If 10 years of teaching elementary and middle school has taught me anything, it is that germs are the one thing that children share freely.  For the most part, it isn't a big deal.  Getting an occasional virus helps build their little immune systems.  We have vaccines to ward off or minimize most of the big scary viruses.  Thank you, science! However, as any parent that has dealt with a whiny snotty child sneezing directly into their ocular cavity will tell you, their germ sharing often goes beyond their little school friends.  

So what can we do to minimize the passing of germs to one another?  Well, the CDC and our mothers have been telling us for years that the best thing we can do is wash our hands thoroughly and frequently, cover our mouths and noses when we sneeze and cough, and stay away from each other when we know we are sick.  It is pretty basic stuff for adults, even though the pandemic has shown that some adults still don't comprehend it.  Children are new here and need to be taught these things though.  The best way I have found to teach kids these skills is a combo of modeling, reading books, and watching videos. 

Modeling is the easy part, it just involves consistently washing your own hands while reinforcing why it is important. For example, "Hey, buddy, we just came in from playing outside, time to get all those germies off our hands. Grab your stool and we can wash our hands together, but don't you dare steal my soap."  The "don't steal my soap" is a game I play with my 4 year old to get him to wash his hands longer.  I put soap on my hands and he "steals" it by grabbing some for himself.  Then I act all indignant and try to steal it back, all the while rubbing it on his hands.  He thinks it is hilarious and doesn't fight me with the typical, "I can do it myself," battle cry of independence when it is a game. 

As for the books and videos, I have put together a handy dandy list of resources below for you to use with your kids.  If you have any to add, please let me know.  The key to developing any healthy habit is repetition so read and watch your kid's favorites frequently and praise them each time they make the great choices to cover their mouth or remember to wash their hands.  Will any of this completely stop your kids from sharing germs with you and each other? Absolutely, not.  I share this in the hopes that it makes teaching our kids lifelong healthy habits easier and, fingers crossed, reduces the number of times you have to break out the vapor rub this Winter.  

We came, we laughed, we cried...okay, I cried... and we drank mimosas.  When I was planning this entry,  it was to be about the brunch I held to celebrate my impending hysterectomy.  Now that I come here to reflect on that day, I realize that God had other plans for a day that was intended to be a tongue in cheek celebration and what amounted to a middle finger in the direction of my very cranky uterus. 

First, the logistics.  Due to COVID, I held the brunch outside. I live in the south so Oct. 30th can be the perfect time to host an outdoor event. My friends are all vaccinated but it was pretty out and I always rule on the side of caution.  I had each one sign up on a google doc to bring a brunch dish and I provided the mimosa bar.  I scoured Amazon for some Bye Felicia balloons, uterus confetti, and cute brunch décor.  I rented a couple tables and some chairs and told my husband to take the boys out.  I did not care where or how much my oldest (age 4) tried to convince me that it should be a "family party."  I needed the cloud of testosterone, that I live in as queen of this boy filled castle, gone.  My bestie had a shirt made for me that said, "see you later, ovulator," and I paired it with a glam pink tutu skirt and the tiara I wore at my wedding.  I was ready to brunch it up!

The brunch started out with everyone getting to know each other and partaking in the deliciousness.  I had an eclectic mix of ladies there in every stage of motherhood; Mothers about to have an empty nest, mothers of toddlers and ones somewhere in the middle, mothers of multiples and ones with single children, boy moms, girl moms, and those who parent both. I am the first in the group to undergo a hysterectomy but, if statistics are correct, I will not be the last.

After some chatter, I stood up and thanked the group for coming to support me. I explained to them that I had this brunch because I wanted to drink mimosas with my friends but also to do my part to erase the taboo of talking about "female problems," because keeping quiet about what it is like, both physically and mentally, to be a woman has hurt and killed far too many of our sisters over the years.  I wanted to encourage my friends to talk to each other about the hard stuff and not let anyone make us feel ashamed of who we are and what we feel.  I have no ability to not cry when I get emotional so there were some tears as I told them that for the last six years, as I miscarried twice, struggled through two pregnancies and two very different births, had parts of my cervix removed for cancerous cells, and ended up in the hospital getting fluids because I was losing too much blood during my period, my whole focus and that of the doctors was on me as a vessel to carry children.  While I was thankful that was what led to my two rainbow babies, I was very much looking forward to being seen by my doctors as a human and not just a reproductive system. 

It was then that the damn broke and our small talk took on a whole new tone and became much deeper.  We spoke openly and freely about post partum depression, anxiety, our sex lives, impending puberty that some with older kids were facing.  We laughed about things are mother's had told us that turned out to be way too true and told stories of when and how we got "the talk."  We spoke about self worth, ADHD, and how hard and beautiful being a woman is.  It was, in short, one of the most beautiful, empowering, and comforting experiences that I have had in a very long time, if not ever.  Our pin balling conversations pooled our knowledge and experiences and we all walked away with new product recommendations, parenting strategies, questions to ask our doctors, and, most of all, the sense that we were not alone as women in the things we have gone through and the ways that we feel. 

It was liberating and life giving and I can't stress enough how much more of this is needed in our communities. We need to have these moments in life where we can strip away the Instagram perfection society seems to aim for and be 100% authentic with each other.  We cannot allow our friends to suffer alone.  We need to share freely those things that scare us most, anxiety, post partum issues, miscarriages, parenting struggles, relationship stresses, and so much more, because in sharing these things, we not only help others feel seen and heard, but we heal ourselves with the connections we make.  As women, we are thought of as the weaker sex so we try so hard to present impenetrable strength to the world.  What we don't realize is that our strength truly lies in our vulnerability.  The juxtaposition of softness and strength is what makes us unique and powerful, as do the friendships we cultivate with other women.  I encourage you all to reach out to a friend or friends and have a good talk about what is really going on in your lives.  You don't have to have a full on brunch to do it, though the mimosas might help encourage the sharing.  You just need a friend or group of friends willing to cross the bridge with you from the side of what the world sees to who they actually are,  Once that happens anything is possible.